If you are considering filing for divorce, you might be feeling anxious about how to tell your spouse, or how s/he will react when "served" with notice of the case. There may be no "good way" to notify your spouse; however, you do have some options.

Just tell him/her. This is a good option for people who are good at discussing and solving problems together, when they both expect the divorce to happen, when both people want the divorce, and for couples who consider themselves to be "friends" above all else. This is a terrible option for marriages in which there is actual, historical, or potential violence.

Involve your spouse in "information gathering." The office of a therapist and/or divorce attorney is places where you can gather information and discuss your legal and emotional options. You may choose to invite your spouse to go with you, and choose one of these places to make it known that you would like to file.

Hire your attorney and have the attorney send a letter. This may be less intimidating than being "served". The law firm that you hired to represent you can send your spouse a letter by mail, informing him/her that there is a divorce action being filed and requesting that s/he respond with the name of the attorney that will be representing him/her. In some cases a certified letter may be requested by your lawyer from the District Clerk's office where the suit is filed.

Have a constable or process server formally serve your spouse. This is the only option in many cases, for instance when there may be violence or unacceptable drama, or there is a need to get the legal proof of service on file to move the case quickly. Be sure to communicate well with your lawyer and his/her staff prior to the service.

Be Aware.......

Although the more "informal" methods may be fine for giving your spouse knowledge of the divorce, you may still have to have him/her served formally in order to provide proof to the court that s/he has been legally notified of the case.

Caution:

If there is a potential problem (spouse trying to hide from service, potential violence or scenes, disruption of a workplace or children being there to witness the service), it is even more important to share information with your attorney's office and possibly the person serving your spouse as well.